Let's Open Up a Little More

I was afraid to tell my friends about the breakup.

Returning the emotions I’d poured out—or rather, there was no proper place for them to go back to—so I just let the occasional tears flow, clutched my empty heart, and closed my eyes,

and could only wait for this pain to dull and disappear.

Amidst that, I couldn’t reveal the reason for the breakup, nor declare any hopeful “I’m okay.” I didn’t have the emotional capacity for that, and I was too overwhelmed just trying to process this breakup. Honestly, I was scared. I felt like the words people would say back to me would hurt me again.

Giving my days and nights over to nameless emotions, I pondered how to explain it in a way that would hurt less. When other friends cried their hearts out and showed their struggles after a breakup, I would often pat them on the back with mature words and comfort them, but why am I so clumsy at sharing my pain and sorrow? Why can’t I cry my heart out and receive comfort? I often sank into lonely thoughts.

Firmly grasping the perfectly rational explanation I had prepared, I revealed my breakup to my friends.

There was no dramatic interrogation. Instead, tears welled up at their warm words of care and support. I felt ashamed. My shallow self seemed so inadequate.

Now, I feel like I can truly accept the breakup and let it go. The comfort I received felt quite warm. And my friends are warmer than I thought.

It’s a night telling my foolish self that even if I break down the walls of my heart a little more, I won’t get hurt.