However much I can feel.

📖Almond_Won-Pyung Sohn

I read the English translation of author Son Won-pyeong’s full-length novel “Almonds.”

Reading a Korean author’s work first in English rather than in Korean provides a diverse reading experience. Conversely, it is also the same to read it in Korean first and then read it again with an English translation.

The latter half of the novel, in which Dora appears, strangely reminded me of author Kim Ae-ran’s . When I read a coming-of-age novel, I sometimes shed a few tears and then quickly stop. I feel like I’m meeting my half-baked self during my adolescence, riding an emotional roller coaster. Only after closing the last page of the novel did I gently shake Yunjae, Gon, and Dora, who had fallen asleep in my mind, to wake them up.

📝 Lines that I Liked

pg.185

“Books aren’t my thing. Words are no fun. They just sit there, embedded. I prefer things that move.”

Dora swiftly slid her fingers along the shelved books. Pitter-patter. It sounded like rain dripping.

“Old books seem all right, though. They have a richer scent that’s more alive. Like how autumn leaves smell.” Dora grinned at her own words. Then, with a quick “See ya,” she left before I could reply.

pg.188

That night I couldn’t sleep. Scenes kept replaying in my head like hallucinations. The waving trees, the colorful leaves, and Dora standing there, yielding to the wind.

I got up and absently walked along the bookshelf. I took out a dictionary and searched it through. But I hand no idea what word I was looking for. My body was burning. My pulse beat so loud right below my ears. I could hear my pulse even in the tips of my fingers and toes, which tingled as if bugs were crawling all over my body. It wasn’t very pleasant. My head hurt and I felt dizzy. Yet I kept thinking back to that moment. The moment when her hair touched my face. The scent and the warmth of the air between us. I drifted off to sleep only at daybreak when the sky turned sapphire.

pg.191

“That’s what happens when you have a crush on somebody.”

“Do you think I have a crush on her?” I regretted asking him the question as soon as I asked.

“Well. Only your heart knows,” he said, still smiling.

“You mean my brain, not my heart. We do whatever the brain tells us to do.”

“Technically, yes, but we still say it’s from our heart.”

Epilogue.

I do not know how this story will unfold. As I said, neither you nor I nor anyone can ever know whether a story is happy or tragic. It may be impossible to categorize a story so neatly in the first place. Life takes on various flavors as it flows.

I’ve decided to confront it. Confront whatever life throws at me, as I always have. And however much I can feel, nothing more, nothing less.