9_Graceful decline, elegant failure.
September was when the field I wanted to try became clear.
In the darkest period of his career,
It was as if he had vaguely noticed the location of the exit where light was leaking out.
I am grateful for everything that coincidentally and inevitably contributed to that awareness.
For the first time in a very long time, my heart flutters with excitement.
Armed with spirit and baseless confidence,
Let’s approach our new future self step by step.
-.We will continue to fail in the future. Whether at work or starting or maintaining a relationship, you will experience failures big and small. I hope we remember the graceful decline and graceful failure every time. Based on the resilience that I will gradually increase, I hope that I will have time to distance myself and think about what kind of person I want to be at this point where I have failed. You can act like a child when you succeed, but I want you to be more sophisticated and graceful when you fail.
-.But the moments spent daydreaming and remembering, and actually doing nothing, are just time to learn helplessness. People with high social anxiety remember negative feedback and integrate it into their self-concept, unlike the control group, who remember positive feedback even if they receive both positive and negative feedback. That’s not true.
We have to live with the spirit. Control your memory and thinking by saying, ‘I did everything I could, so what can I do?’ Don’t let yourself drift as your mood takes you. It’s more elegant to grab your head and raise your head from outside yourself, saying, ‘Let’s do something.’ When bottomless anxiety and depression stare at you again, you must end that moment, even if it means saying it out loud. ‘Let’s do something’, only steady habits will lead your way.
-.Don’t try not to have expectations. Your expectations have never been a sin. You just had pure expectations, and the belief that your expectations will come true is sometimes fulfilled by luck and sometimes just falls apart for no reason. Expectations are not sinful, and neither are you. It was just the way things were. The events that bring you unhappiness are often determined by luck and circumstances, regardless of your efforts or expectations. It’s not for lack of trying. You said you would. I tried to somehow make it to the end, lifting my heart from being broken hundreds of times. You all know. It was just bad luck. It would have been nice if the main character was me, but it is also true that there is nothing that cannot be done without me. This is enough for you and me.
-.Look forward to it. Tomorrow’s weather, lunch menu later, going out in the city after a long time, upcoming movies and new dramas. You may be disappointed, but the strength to rise again even after failure comes from untiring expectations. Even if the egg sandwich you had for lunch today was terrible, the beef rice bowl for dinner may be okay. Even if your GPA was crap this semester, the movie you decide to see tomorrow might be fun. Our hobby is ‘looking forward’. Even if I am disappointed a hundred times.
-.Failure will continue in the future. However, I would like to tell you that there is no need to make every effort (let alone every expense) as has been the case up to now. I hope you gently step back from the things you don’t have to do and the thoughts and beliefs you don’t have to do, and don’t pack up your life so much and define it with only two outcomes, 0 or 1, but do your best to do the things you have to do (just enough so that you and your people are not unhappy), and then leave for the fateful hour.
-.Now you are your guardian, your person in charge, and the head of your single-person family. You live your life now. Maintaining a graceful distance from negative people and environments that denigrate your value. There is no place you need to lose your dignity.
by Heo Ji-won, clinical psychologist
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-.There is something people misunderstand. That childhood is a time. Childhood is not a ‘time’. It doesn’t stop or end somewhere. Come back. The moment you think it has passed, it comes back and destroys the present through the illusion that you have grown up. Childhood is embedded in love, in separation, in every continuing life, in every breath of dislocation, disillusionment, and substitution.
by Park Yeonjun
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-.”It is very important to have unfounded confidence.”
This was the answer given by Heo Jun-i (39), professor of mathematics at Princeton University and chair professor at the Korea Institute for Advanced Study, to a student’s question, ‘How did you deal with the anxiety of wondering if this path was right?’ On the afternoon of the 27th, Professor Heo gave a special lecture in commemoration of winning the Fields Medal, the ‘Nobel Prize in Mathematics,’ at the Sangsan Mathematical Science Museum on the Gwanak Campus of Seoul National University.
In his lecture, Professor Heo emphasized that “founded confidence can be broken at any time.” “You may do well on tests at school, but at some point you may not be able to do so. You may always win gold medals at the Mathematics Olympiad, but then go to college or graduate school and write a thesis. It may be too difficult. A combination of unfortunate events can destroy the foundation of your confidence.”
Professor Heo said, “On the other hand, groundless confidence gives yourself flexibility. Even when you are faced with a difficult process, groundless confidence helps you flexibly change your goals. It is a great strength that allows you to live your life well until the end.” In a Q&A with reporters after the lecture, Professor Heo said, “When I looked at the friends around me who I liked and respected, there was a surprising thing in common. They had positive confidence in themselves.” He added, “Types of confidence can be divided into well-grounded confidence and unfounded confidence, and in the end, when I saw friends who lived healthy and happy lives to the end, they were often the latter.”
by Professor Heo Jun-i
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